Parent Portraits: Jenna Ushkowitz

Jenna Ushkowitz has spent her career in the spotlight — from Tina Cohen-Chang on Glee, to Broadway, to two Tony Awards as a producer. But somewhere between the stage and the studio, she also became a mother of two, and that role reshaped how she moves through the world.  

In this installment of Parent Portraits, Jenna reflects on the identity shift that came with motherhood — in her own words.

What stage of motherhood are you in right now, and what feels most defining about this particular season?

I'm in the stage of motherhood where everyone needs me at once. Some days I feel like I've got a handle on it, and some days I'm so overstimulated I want to crawl into a closet. But these ages are so much fun. Seeing my kids interact and play together brings me more joy than I can explain. It's a tough season, and a fun one, at the same time.

I've got an almost-two-year-old and a four-year-old with big feelings and big transitions happening in her life. So it's schedules, work, being a good wife, a good friend, trying to squeeze in some radical self-care so there's an actual version of me left to give my kids. It's a lot of juggling, all the time, and if I'm being honest, most of the time I feel like I'm just surviving,

Having a second doesn't make it easier but it does make you steadier. You just know what's coming, or what could come. I went into it with more ease and confidence. I also learned that if they miss a nap, or the schedule changes, it's going to be okay. I had to be more flexible, and that was actually a gift.

I'm also discovering so much about myself in this stage, especially with my four-year-old, who I can actually have conversations with now. When she melts down or is having a hard time, I notice how many of my own triggers come up, things I want to unravel and unpack, and I'm doing that in real time, trying to give her the safest, most grounded response I can while I'm dealing with my own emotions too.

What stays true through all of it: everything is a season. Nothing lasts. Right when you get into a routine, something changes. So I try to let myself feel every bit of it, even though I already know I'm going to look back and miss this terribly.

in what ways did your sense of self shift when you became a mother? Did that transition feel different with your first child than it did with your second?

My sense of self shifted slowly, not all at once. There wasn't one single aha moment, though one memory does stand out clearly, more on that in a bit. It was more of a slow progression into the person I was becoming as a mother. My priorities got sharper, and things I used to spend energy on, things that weren't that important but I made time for anyway, just fell away.

The huge shift happened with my first. By the time my second came, it wasn't a new transformation, it just made me double down on who I'd already become.The biggest part of who I was before kids that I had to let go of was control. I'm a type A person, I like things a certain way, and motherhood just doesn't leave room for that.

What I had to find my way back to was my independence. It's so easy to get wrapped up in being a mother, in taking care of this tiny person you love more than anything, that you lose track of the things that brought you joy before her. I had to remind myself I needed to do things as Jenna too, not just as Mom, because it's too easy to put all your happiness on your kids instead of finding some of it yourself. There was a moment I remember clearly, realizing I'd only listened to lullabies and kids' music for six months straight, and turning on music I actually loved again. That's when it hit me how much I'd changed, and how much I still needed to hold onto pieces of myself too.

I became more direct. Stronger. Less apologetic. No became a full sentence. My time got valuable enough that I stopped feeling guilty about saying no. I felt more confident in myself as a mother, more purpose behind everything I was doing.

The way I move through the world got clearer too. I move with kindness and empathy, but also with strength. Unapologetically.

You’ve spent much of your life being known publicly as a performer. Is there a version of Jenna that people still expect or recognize that no longer fully reflects who you are now? How do you navigate that gap?

In this industry, it's evolved so much. As an actor, you're asked to move all around the US, and frankly, the world. That's a lot to do with a family of four, and your time is not your own. I had to set some boundaries with my team, who were sending me out for work that would uproot my family or take me away from them for extended periods of time.

People also kept asking what's next, what's the next project, are you going back to acting. I really appreciate that people are still interested in seeing me do other work, that means a lot. But there's a pressure built into that question, and honestly, I just wanted to be home, with a flexible schedule, with my kids. So building the podcast, working with AAGC, building my own social media brand, doing the things that let me be home more, that's where I put my energy instead.

I also felt the expectation on social media to keep being "the Glee girl." My followers and fans who've stuck around are amazing, but even so, I started posting about my kids and parenthood, and it was a completely different vibe, because that's what's true in my everyday life now. I think people have gotten used to it.

How has motherhood changed what you are reaching for in your career—not just how you manage your time, but what feels meaningful or worth pursuing now?

Motherhood has changed everything, from time management to a feeling of intention, of whether something is actually worth the time. Time as a parent is so valuable that if I'm spending mine on something, I want it to be something I love, believe in, and think is worth being away from my kids for.

I'm reaching for purpose and passion now. I can't really fake it when I'm not enjoying what I'm doing, and I've learned to listen to that feeling faster than I used to.

What do you hope your children will one day understand about who you were before they existed, and who you became because of them?

I hope they know I lived a very full life before them. I followed my dreams, went through a lot of challenges, and worked hard to persevere. I wasn't chasing happiness, I was chasing fulfillment, and I got to check off a lot of boxes along the way. And I want them to know we dreamed about them, that we were so ready for their arrival.

Because of them, I'm a different person. I'm more empowered, stronger, wiser, more confident, and definitely more patient. I feel like I became a kid again when they were born, getting to see the world through their eyes. Everything I do now, even the parts of my life that are still just mine, still Jenna, is guided by my love for them and by being their mother, which is my favorite role I've ever had.